Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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