worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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