he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
