on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
