Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
