Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
