The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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