If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
