I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
