If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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