She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
