4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
