just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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