Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
