is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think my nap took me to another dimension
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
