literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The power of my boobs compel you
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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