I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
