The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
