i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Let's get the cat blown out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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