Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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