i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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