literally had 100 drinks last night.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
