Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
