giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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