You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
