you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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