How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
