mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
