I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
