i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
God, I missed his penis.
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