in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
