I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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