i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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