I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
