I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
