And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
