I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
