I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
