Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
