the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
