My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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