Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
