If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
