i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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