I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
