Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
