we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
