This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
