Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
