Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
