I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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