Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
BRING THE BAGELS
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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