His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i dont even know how to be here
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
