i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wear drunk well.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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