But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
