so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
